add a pda to her birthday wishlist

It was late, and she was expressing a desire to go to the playground across the street. I explained that it was almost bath time and bed time and generally just too late, but I was sure to let her know that she could go to the playground the next evening with Daddy.

"Oh no. No nonono nononononononono," she said, while making dismissive hand gestures. "Tomorrow night I have plans."

motown awaits

Caroline approached me this morning holding two pieces of toy fruit. She asked that we sing songs about the fruit. She gave me the banana, and she held the apple. I asked her to start. She agreed and looked up for about 3 seconds while she composed the song in her head. Then she straightened her dress and began.

"Apples are reh-eeeeh-ed and they have stemmmmmms on top... And you peel 'em [clap] if you want to, and there are see-eeee-eeeeeeds insiiiiide! So sweet and so juiiiicy! [returns to normal voice] Now it's your turn, Mama. Sing about the banana like you mean it."

bird expert

Caroline: It's very windy out.

Mama: It sure is.

C: Birds really love the wind, you know.

M: Oh? I didn't know that. Why do they love the wind?

C: It's the only time they can fly kites.

M: Little birdie kites?

C: Nooo. They're big regular kites.

M: Is it a little birdie string they hold?

C: No, it's a big string, like one people hold.

M: But they have such little feet...

C: Well I guess they just have to grow bigger feet. [shrug] Happens to all of us.

reuben, now with fiberfill

After failing to engage the mighty basselope in a game of chase, Caroline decided to play it cool with Reuben. Playing it cool = annoying him until he couldn't take it anymore. So she gently placed her head on his back, while he sighed and made his trademarked "mrph" groan.

"Wow, this sure is a nice furry pillow. It is soooo soft and comfortable and furry! I cannot barely stand it! It's so soft! And it has a booty with a tail that wags on your face. I can just sit here all day instead of playing chase, Reub -- I mean pillow."

you tell me

I was in the middle of cooking dinner when she walked into the kitchen.

Caroline: Excuse me, Mama. I need to ask you a question.

Mama: Yes?

Caroline: Are you important?

name snob

We were trying to name this little cat figurine her grandmother bought her while working with a native population in AZ.

Caroline: Mama, let's name this cat. He doesn't have a name.

Mama: Well he has these pointy patterns on him. What about Spikey?

C: Spikey?! [shakes head] That's too... cheesy. He's not cheesy at all. He doesn't have any sparkles or everything like that, Mom.

M: Well, ok. I'm not sure what makes Spikey "cheesy." But if you don't like it, we'll pass. What about Cinnamon?

C: [cracks up and shakes her head] That's a FOOD. This is a CAT we're talkin' about.

M: Yes, but he's sorta cinnamony in color...

C: [scrunched up nose] He's really kind of yellow, not brown.

M: Ok. So what about Butterscotch?

C: This is getting ridiculous.


[And for the record, the name she settled on is "MeowMeow" -- and I'm the ridiculous one.]

taking stock of dad's emotional state

Chuck was rescreening our porch doors, and Caroline was eager to help. And by help, I mean running the little spline-tool-thing over the fresh, newly finished, taut screen... which resulted in Chuck falling over in panic.

Dad: Bug, please don't do that.

Caroline: Do this [demonstrates] with the tool?

Dad: YES! That! Don't do that. It could rip the screen.

Caroline: And that would make you have a thousand cries?

medical school begins today

I was howling in pain from a charley horse and grabbing at my foot and leg... while trying to keep it on the down low so Miss Child did not think I was dying. She would be very sad if the supplier of her snacks keeled over, you see.

Caroline: Mama! Mama! What's going on?

Mama: [grimacing] I have a leg cramp, honey. I'm ok, it just looks scary.

C: You have a CRAP in your leg?

M: No, honey [ow ow ow ow ow flex ow]... it's a craMp.

C: It's in your foot?

M: It's not really a thing in my foot... it's [ow ow ow] just the muscle.

C: [flexes] Like these pythons?

M: Yes, like your pythons. We have pythons all over our body, remember the muscles are under our skin?

C: We have FACE PYTHONS?

M: [still howling and rocking] Yes, there are muscles even in our faces.

C: I don't want a crap in my face!

M: It's not a cramp in your face. When the cramp is in your foot, it is called a charley horse.

C: There's a horse in your foot?! That's amazin'!

M: [still suffering] No. It's just a cramp. I'm ok though.

C: Sometimes I have gas beans in my stomach...

M: Beans?

C: Yeah, when it hurts.

M: Do you mean pains?

C: Yeah pains, that's right. But at least it's not horses and craps.

return to sender

The mail carrier made her delivery.

Caroline: Is there a package for me? A surprise for me? What is it?!

Mama: Nope, no packages today. Just one piece of boring mail for Daddy.

Caroline: [sigh] Why is it always something for my father?

Mama: Well, that's just the way it goes, I guess.

Caroline: Why does everybody think he's special? He's only special sometimes.

that was helpful

She was saying a word that sounded like luck, lock, and lack, but was not clearly one of them over the others. We'll spell it like "luoack," for sake of argument. She just kept chanting it and giggling, and we couldn't figure it out (pretty sure she was being silly and making up a word, anyway).

So, in an effort to clarify what she was saying, she was asked, "Can you use it in a sentence?"

She thought for half a second and offered up this sentence as a contextual example:

"Yes. I'm talking about the word 'luoack.'"

drama lessons from uncle ross

Caroline asked Ross to read her a book for the 100th time in a 30 minute period. Ross sighed and hung his head.

Caroline: Don't be afraid Uncle Ross!
Ross: I am not afraid. I am just weak.

She sat next to him and began sighing and hanging her head too. They did this repeatedly for a minute or two -- they'd look at one another, sigh, and then hang their heads, over and over and completely in unison.

She looked at him and said, "Yes. Apparently we are a-weak."

And then they danced to The Cure (really).

guests are fodder

We've had some guests the past couple days. Our old friend Ross and his wife Jenn came by to see us (and meet us, in the case of Jenn) en route to Toronto.

I was upstairs when Jenn arrived, so after a few minutes of talking to her, Caroline ran up the steps and excitedly informed me, "Mama! Mama! I got you a new girl!! She's downstairs!!"

jack lalanne, is that you?

Caroline came downstairs shoving her play broccoli into one of the old horns from the breast pump (one of her favorite toys, strangely enough). She was pressing hard on the broccoli and twisting it inside the horn.

I asked what she was doing.

"Oh, I'm just making salad lemonade!"

a simple request

"Do you think we could go see some elephants in China? I want to wear my pink shoes there."

not-enough-nap blues

She was rudely awakened by a certain pooch. And she shared her stellar 'tude with me from the moment I greeted her.

Caroline: I need to be ALONE!
Mama: You don't say!
C: I SAY!
M: Come downstairs when you're ready to smile.
C: I don't want to be the smiling me!
M: Well come down when you're the half-hearted-attempt-to-smile you.
C: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!

[moments later she joins me in the kitchen as I prep some baked pasta for dinner]

C: I'm not smiling. What are you doing?
M: I am smiling and I am cooking dinner!
C: I don't think I want pasta!
M: Well there's always dog food...
C: I don't think I want dog food either!
M: Reuben likes it, it's the good stuff with oatmeal.
C: Will it taste like cookies?

who needs television

I couldn't find the dog, so I asked her where he was. She went to find him and called out a play-by-play.

"I found him. Here he is. Right there on the rug. I had to move to see his face. He's licking his feet. He's licking them with his mouth and tongue. They're so very brown. And they're so very tasty. He thinks his feet are brown and tasty."

those funny fungi

I was sending an email to my sister when Caroline asked what I was doing. I told her.

She replied, "Mama, can you tell Aunt Amy that sometimes mushrooms looks like noses?"

After looking at her (confused, where did this come from?), I typed and she dictated, "Some...times... mush...rooms... look... like noses! Did you get that?"

caregiver extraordinaire

I was having a very pukey morning (thanks to the one in my womb), and Caroline discovered me doing what she at first called "pooping out of [my] mouth."

I then laid on the bed and she walked up and started patting my arm.

"Aw, you're sick Mom. 'Cause of the baby."

I am.

"It's like when the cats puke, but you puke in the toilet."

Thankfully!

"Poor Mama. That's so awful." Complete with an armrub.

Thank you.

"You'll be ok. Let's fix you up."

Aw, you are going to take care of me?

"No, I was going to go play. But maybe someone else will come here. Bye!"

caprese monster

We make caprese sandwiches often, so our girl has become as obsessed with tomatoes and fresh mozzarella as we have. She requested I buy some.

Caroline: Mama, when you go to the grocery store, can you get me some monsterella cheese?
Mama: Monsterella cheese?
C: Yeah, like with tomatoes.
M: Oh mozzarella! You sure like that huh.
C: Yeah, I love monsterella cheese, Mom.
M: Ok, I will get some just for you.
C: Great! Thank you. I just love it. It squishes when you bite it and it's so... tasty.
M: It sure is tasty--
C: And white and... monstery.

empathy for those girls

We were watching the Michigan State vs UConn game, and the Spartans were pretty much out of reach with 20 seconds to go. The cameras cut to the dejected faces of the UConn cheerleaders, who couldn't muster even a smile or a half-hearted pompom shake.

Caroline instantly felt for them. "Those girls are sad. I think they miss their mommies."

so friendly it hurts/complete strangers

Since it was lovely outside today, Caroline and I went to the playground across the street shortly before dinner. She walked up to a girl who was on the swings, being pushed by her mother.

Caroline: Hi there! [hand to chest] My name is Caroline. What is your name?
Girl: I am Natalie.
C: Nice to meet you, Natalie. What are you up to?
G: I'm swinging and my mom is pushing me.
C: That's great! How are you doing today?
G: I'm good.
C: Oh, good to hear that!

At this point, I suggested maybe she do some swinging too, since we were there for the purpose of playing more than producing an episode of a toddler talk show. She, of course, picked the swing right next to Natalie and they conversed. The girl's mother asked Caroline how old she was.

C: I'm two. Natalie, how old are you?
G: I'm four!
C: I'm not two. I meant I'm FIVE.
Mama: You're five?
C: Yeah, I grew a lot.

She and Natalie had a great time for about half an hour, before she had to go. Caroline and I continued to play, and then Chuck pulled up in our driveway. We waved him over to the playground.

C: Dadddyyyyyy! Would you like to play?
Dad: Yes, I would love to play!
C: Would you like to play with my friend Mama?
D: [laugh] Your friend Mama?
C: Yes, my friend Mama. She's right over there. [Points at me, standing 5 feet away. You know, since he'd have trouble picking out his wife of 4 years.]

another frightening diagnosis

My glasses broke, so I am going naked-faced until I can get in for some new ones. Caroline is amazed by the unshielded presence of my eyeballs.

Caroline: Mama, let me look in your eyes.
Mama: Oh, okay.

[staring here]

C: I think I see a problem with your eyes.
M: Oh?
C: Yeah, they look a little sick. Like they might have a stomach ache.
M: A stomach ache in my eyes.
C: Yes. I think they ate too much popcorn.

nothing gets by her. nothing.

Caroline: Mama, what's a 'odor'?
Mama: 'Odor' is just another word for 'smell.'
C: So flowers have a odor.
M: Yes, flowers have an odor. A very pleasant odor.

[4 hours and a nap pass before I get the following totally random newsflash]

C: Hey Mom, every dog takes a poop.
M: Yes, this is true.

[25 minutes pass and I get the following secondary totally random newsflash]

C: Hey Mom, every dog poop has a odor.
M: Well, that's for sure.
C: It is not a pleasant odor.

that's pretty unconditional

We have been playing "I love you more" lately - you know, where you try to top the other person's declarations of affection, even when you give yourself a toothache in the sickening process.

This explains why she just walked up to me and said randomly, "I really love you Mom. I love you forever and backwards too!"