being in orbit sounds pretty good today

Someone took a very short nap today. On a day when I am 9 months pregnant and exhausted and pukey. So this is a bad combination.

She wanted me to go upstairs and get her something. I told her she could go get it.

"I'm sorry, Mama. But I'm not brave enough."

Righto. I psyched her up, encouraged her to take a stuffed companion with her for support, and up she went.

Came down 5 minutes later, totally empty handed.

I asked where her loot was. "Oh, I forgot. Can you get it for me?"

No no dear child, I told her. You can go get it.

She sighed. "I will in a minute. I gotta prepare for liftoff."

mind. blown.

Caroline has never been one to be really into toys. She plays with her toys, but she plays with random stuff just as much, if not more. Our parental annoyance (we all have one, right?) is marketing aimed at children. So we don't really watch many commercials. And she's never been to a mega toy store. Until today.

I had to go get something from the Babies R Us section of our local Toys R Us. Usually I schedule these runs for preschool days, just for simplicity and speed; but she's on break until next week. So she came along. We had to go to the pet store first, and to keep her from trying to convince me to buy 300 bags of Pupperoni or a cat toy with rainbow ribbons that will never be played with, I kept telling her, "Now remember, if you can be a good helper here, we will go to the toy store." That kept her on track. And apparently got her a little wound up about just what this toy store would be like.

We arrived in the parking lot. "It's a blue building! Mama, the toy store is BLUE!"

We walked in the automatic doors. She froze in the middle of the entry aisle. Her eyes got huge. She looked at me as if making sure she was not dreaming.

Then. She yelled at the top of her lungs. "OH MY GOODNESS! THE TOY STORE IS GREAT!!!!"

um, it's "shoo"

We've had a few flies in the house this week, and child is growing weary of them.

She just stormed into the room and said, "Mama, there's another fly. You really need to just shoot it."

time for summer school

In preparation for her little sister's arrival in a couple weeks, we did our big sister/big brother class at the hospital yesterday. She was the youngest there, by far, but also the most outspoken and most likely to volunteer (I guess the 5+ age group doesn't like being embarrassed). She passed the hands-on parts of the course with flying colors -- holding, feeding, burping, shaking rattles but not shaking babies... all A+++.

When it came time for a tour of the mother-baby unit and the nursery, the class teacher asked the kids what they thought they'd see.

She raised her hand, was called on, and answered, "Some babies. And maybe some puppies and kittens too!"

the little haggler

At Baby Gap, while I was checkin' out the clearance racks, Caroline found a ridiculously overpriced lion stuffed animal.

Caroline [to Gap lady]: Oh this is a very nice lion!

Gap Lady: Yes, it's cute, isn't it?

C: How much is it?

GL: Let me check the ticket... 22.50

C: I think it should cost ONE dollar. I want to buy it for one dollar.

Mama: Yes, wouldn't that be nice. But it's not one dollar, so we won't be buying it. How about you come here and help me pick out some pants.

C: I'll be there in one minute...

Mama [to Gap Lady]: I'm sorry...

GL: No it's no problem. Let me see if it's maybe on sale. [scans it with some handheld thing.] Nope, it's really 22.50.

M: See, Caroline, too expensive! We'll just have to visit it in the store sometimes, or maybe you could save up your money and buy it later.

C [to Gap Lady]: Excuse me, please. Do you have coupons?

ornithologist

"Mermaids don't have parrots. Parrots don't live under water, so they can't be with mermaids. They live in sunny days in the air. And they are nakey. They do have feathers, but they don't have clothes. We don't have any parrots, even though I like to be nakey sometimes. But we wear clothes and have nooooo parrots. And we're not pirates either."

backseat confessional

We were making a half-hour drive to do a little specialty shopping. She was singing [the wrong lyrics] along with the radio, but stopped suddenly and asked me to turn down the music so she could talk.

Caroline: Mama, I have a question.

Mama: Okay...

C: Can I walk at Ikea? Not ride in the cart?

M: Sure, as long as you stay with me. Can you do that?

C: Yes. I can do that.

M: Then yep, you can walk.

C: Good, I want to be free so I can twirl.

M: Twirl? In the store?

C: Yes, but I will twirl with you. I think you need to have a little fun.

snakes are jerks

She woke up during a nightmare about snakes. After he calmed her down, she asked her father,"Do you think you can cheer me up?"

lil linda richman

Today I was told, "Mom. Mom. I got some schmutz on my nose."

Auntie Kim will be so proud.

sight numbers

She has started memorizing the sight of some words she sees often, like her friends' names, words in books we've read 5000 times, etc. But she surprised me when she was reading a box of Annie's mac and cheese ("100% real cheese") and said, "It says 'one hundred dollars'."

I was shocked that she knew the number 100, so I said "Close! It's one hundred percent, not dollars. But that is one hundred! How did you know that??"

She tossed her hand in the air, waving off my surprise, and walked away, "Oh Mama, I know all the regular things."

no genes of mine

Caroline: Mama, can you paint my nails with some nail polish?

Mama: Hmmmmm...

Caroline: I am ready for some bee-yoooo-tay. [wiggling fingers]

Mama: What?!

Caroline: Yes, you know. Beauty.

maybe she's still under warranty

Caroline was being stubborn about doing something totally minor that I can't remember now. Something like picking up her toys or retrieving a water bottle from the floor. She stood cross-armed while I gradually went from a polite request to reminding her that it wasn't a choice and that she needed to do it.

She turned her back to me and said, "I can't. I mean it. I am not able to."

"You're not able to???"

She stomped and hollered, "My skeleton will not work, and I am just not able to!"

his roots are evident

Caroline was playing with her toys, naming one Jen and one Chuck.

She was telling me all about Jen. Jen had a baby in her stomach and it hurt sometimes, and so on. Sounds familiar. She also told me that Jen was from a place called Cornula.

I asked about Chuck. Where was he from?

She answered, "Oh Chuck. Yeah, Chuck is definitely from Corny."

you are mistaken

During a preschool field trip to a local farm, a sheep accosted her with a "MEEEEEEEHHHHHH!"

She looked at it and said, "No sheep, that's not right. You say 'Baaaa'."

she sees right through me

I passed on my glow-in-the-dark genes. We are pale. We are very pale people.

I should have guessed what she meant when she approached me, very upset and sad, near tears.

"Mama, I have a green crack in my foot. I think I am broken! It's not good."

I asked her to show me. She lifted up her foot and pointed to a vein.

I laughed. She cried.

"I am broken and cracked forever."

I tried to soothe her. "Nooooo, those are just your veins. That is how blood moves through your body. Remember how we talked about veins?"

"But I really think this is a crack, Mama."

I showed her my arms, which look vaguely like Spiderman's, only the network of webs is on a white background instead of red. I had hoped this would convince her that veins are normal.

"Whoa, Mama. I think you are about to break into a thousand pieces."

stall tactics

Things she yelled out from her room in an attempt to stay awake longer at bedtime:

"I think I need a popsicle!"
"I want different pajamas!"
"I spinned my water too much and it flew out of my bed!"
"DADDY WOULD WANT ME TO BE AWAKE!"
"[Stuffed animal] wants to sit up!"
"I really want a popsicle!"
"My feet are not covered enough!"
"My feet are covered too much!"
"I am not ready to stop having fun!"
"I already took a nap!"
"RED. POPSICLE. IN. BEEEDDDDDDDD."

bursting with genius

She was blowing bubbles and trying to catch them on the wand. After she caught three at once, ignoring 48,201 failed attempts at the feat, she was positively proud.

Turning to me with head cocked, a sly smile, and an eyebrow raised, "I must say, I am very good at this."

i suppose not

Looch the cat barfed on the rug. This was a very exciting event for one of the people in our home (hint: the shortest human).

Mama: Don't get too close when you look at it! And be careful not to step in it!

Caroline: Yeah we don't want to step on it. It would get all gross on our feet.

Mama: Very gross.

Caroline: Totally gross. [pause while inspecting] And I suppose we shouldn't eat it, either.

a test, i hope

She was walking around the house, mumbling to herself.

Mama: Caroline, what are you saying?

Caroline: Don't worry about me. I'm just getting a snack. I'm getting myself a snack in the bathroom!

Mama: Um, in the bathroom?

Caroline: I was just looking.

Couple minutes later she strolled into the room carrying a bag of bread.

Mama: This wasn't in the bathroom, was it?

Caroline: No, it was in the kitchen. But at least I guess you were listening to me.

[ed note: "at least I guess" is her new favorite phrase -- pops up allll the time, even when it doesn't make sense.]

marketing fail

She caught that famous OxiClean commercial detailing the perils of using bleach instead of the color-safe wunderpowder. After they showed bleach splashed across denim, ruined with giant white spots, she was enthralled.

"Maybe that's an applesauce spill. But it's too white."
"Or maybe it's mashed potatoes."
"I can't really tell. Please rewind it, Mama."
"That's probably mashed potatoes."
"I really like mashed potatoes. Lots of people do."
"It's got to be mashed potatoes, not applesauce."
"Oh well, mashed potatoes aren't a big deal to clean up."
"Why is that guy jumping around? Why is he so loud?"
"Why is this guy so grumpy about spilled mashed potatoes?"

a little sparse

Things have been a little infrequent over here lately. Between her birthday, related travels, and the recent loss of our brother-in-law to pancreatic cancer (and related travels), we've been a little too preoccupied to note all the -isms. Just wanted to explain the lack of posts. She's no less amusing (thankfully -- we need the levity), things are just busier and heavier 'round here lately.

...

We miss you, Uncle Mike!



[photo taken 2 years ago on her 1st birthday]

When I showed her that photo, she exclaimed, "That's my Uncle Mike with me! He's a real nice guy. Nice guys always hold bumblebee cups for little kids." Indeed they do.

breaking it gently

Caroline: What are you eating?

Marmy: A turkey sandwich with some cheese. Would you like a bite?

Caroline: Well, no. [solemn face with head tilted gently] I'm afraid I am not a fan of turkey. I'm sorry.

heed, woman

It's never a good sign when your child walks from the dining room and says, "I was a little messy..." with a slight smile.

I sighed and went in to see the damage.

I was shocked to see yogurt smeared into the seat cushion and on her toys.

"Caroline!! This is a disaster!"

"What?! I told you!"

the party hat fairy

Today, our sweet girl turns 3. She woke up this morning in a fabulous mood. From the next room, where I was just waking up myself, I heard:

"I LOVE being three!! Hey, where's my party hat?!"

She had assumed one magically ended up on her head on her birthday.

And for sentimentality's sake (and out of sheer laziness because I cannot narrow them down to post any here), I present you all with the Best of the Kazoo photo set.

peculiar quote of the evening

"Hold on. I have to put the monsterella cheese in my roller skate."