the dog whisperer

Caroline and I were outside, where I was brushing our incredible shedding basselope (he's really a basset hound/German shepherd/doberman mix, don't ask). He hates this process and ran away from me and hid in the corner of the yard. Since I'm still recovering from a c-section and can't exactly chase or wrestle a 50 pound walrus with 6" legs, Caroline decided she would do the dirty work for me.

I called to him several times. She got tired of waiting.

"I'm going to go have a little talk with him," she said sternly.

She marched over with her little fists tight and crouched next to him and was talking to him in low tones I could not hear. It looked very serious.

She stood up and pointed at me. He did not move.

She threw her hands in the air. "This dog must not understand me. Or maybe he's just impossible!"

passing the buck

The imaginary friend du jour was named Marina. As I was tied up with something, Caroline went into the bathroom and unrolled the remainder of a roll of toilet paper.

I gasped when I discovered the floor awash in Cottonelle. I stupidly asked, "Why did you do this?!"

She answered, "Well, Marina just kept saying 'More! More! More!'"

...

While she was doing the cleanup of the aforementioned sea of toilet paper, she stopped and looked up at me. "Mom, I'm really sorry about Marina. She's my friend, and I'm really sorry about the mess she made. She makes bad choices, huh?"

she gets it

Chuck and Caroline were walking to the playground. Chuck remembered that he needed to call his boss about something important and work-related, so he opened his cell phone and started dialing.

Caroline: Daddy, who are you calling?

Daddy: I have to talk to my boss about something.

Caroline: Oh, you are calling Mama?

self aware

Today at Target on a diaper run, Caroline sat in the cart and struck up a conversation with the family behind us in line.

Caroline: What's your name?

Girl, aged 10ish: Carly. What's your name?

C: Caroline. Do you like my flower shoes? [stuck feet out]

Mom of girl: Oh yes, very cute. How old are you Caroline?

C: I just turned 3. My birthday is in June.

Mom of girl: You talk very well for your age!

C: I get a lot of practice.

the young academic/car salesman

While fighting sleep during naptime, she was trying to negotiate her way out of having to lay down at all. Her dad was not budging, but eventually she said something that stumped him. He paused to think about how to respond, and she yelled out, "Come on Dad. I need answers!"

my sister, the pit bull

Caroline welcomed baby sister Sylvie on July 17th.

We, of course, were nervous about introducing a new character in the precocious toddler sitcom that is our life. Would Caroline be jealous? Would she be angry? Would she tell us off? Or pack all her belongings in a handkerchief on the end of a stick and go hobo?

We apparently worried for nothing.



She thinks Sylvie is the greatest thing since sliced bread... with crusts removed. She exclaims multiple times each day, "I just can't believe she's borned!"

She serenades her with 50s pop tunes during diaper changes. She holds her and kisses her and tells her how cute she is. She also explains to her that one day her feet will grow big too. Helpful stuff like that.

But the best was this morning when our pediatrician was on rounds and came to meet and check out the baby. After the doctor approached Sylvie and unwrapped her swaddle, there was a newborn cry, and Caroline charged at the bassinet waving her arms and said, "Wait a minute, Doctor. That's my baby!"

once more with feeling

I am a little sappy today since it's our last day with undivided attention for Miss Sassafrass.

I called her over and asked with a smile, "Can I have a hug from my girl?"

She giggled and scrunched up her shoulders and said, "Only if you cry first."

inner sanctum

This one comes courtesy of Marmy, her grandmother, who is visiting the next two weeks as we welcome baby sister.

Caroline and Marmy were hanging out in the guest room and playing with toys. Chuck and I were also upstairs -- he was wandering around the hall and I was sitting up in bed. Marmy got up and attempted to leave the guest room for a moment.

Caroline jumped to her feet and slammed the door shut. She warned in a very ominous voice, "No Marmy, you don't want to go out there. Outside of this room is only for the crazy people."

non sequitur no thank you

I heard her chanting this as she marched up the stairs behind Lucci, the cat:

"Lucci's privates don't stink at all! They don't smell like poop! They don't smell like pee! They are not stinky privates, no sirree!"

I started to ask how she knew that (or even why it was noteworthy), but I figured it was better that I didn't know.

i plead the fifth

Caroline was playing in her room alone when I heard a scream.

I rushed in and found her curled up in the corner of her bed, surrounded by all her stuffed animals and dolls. They were all arranged to be looking at her, and she rested the back of her hand on her forehead.

"What's wrong?"

"Mama," she sighed, "you gotta save me from these kids!"

future career counselor

Out of the blue question.

Caroline: Mama, are you curious?

Mama: I think I am pretty curious.

C: Are you playful?

M: Well, some of the time, but I am pretty lazy too.

C: Are you naughty sometimes?

M: Not really.

C: Ok then, you wouldn't be a good kitty after all.

FAA clearance required

As she groggily entered the room, I asked her how her loooong nap was. "It really didn't go very well. [yawn] It was kind of a little boring." Noted!

She curled up next to me, and I was patting her hair.

"Moooo-oooom. Please stop that. I need some hairspace."

sweet and sour

I was having a pretty stressful morning (but nothing related to the girl child). So after talking to a friend and breathing deep, I watched Caroline play sweetly and I smiled at her.

"Hi Mama!" She smiled at me.

"You are pretty awesome, kid."

"Aw thanks Mom. Thanks for the new battery in my dinosaur flashlight too. It is really roary now! That was great of you!"

I was touched by her good manners and thoughtfulness and gave her a hug.

She held my hand and smiled at me and said, "I'm really sorry."

"Really sorry about what, silly?"

"I'm just really sorry about that mess..."

"What mess?"

"I'm really sorry about that makeup mess I made."

"Where?!"

"In your room, with the makeup. While you were talking."

"What?!"

"I'm really sorry."

Scoop is the new Harvey

She decided this morning, as we prepared for the first day of preschool's summer session, that she needed to unveil her first imaginary friend. His name is Scoop and he is a truck -- inspired by Bob the Builder's Scoop, I am sure. She needed a new bandaid, and Scoop needed one too [question: how does one apply a real bandaid to an invisible vehicle?]. I rushed her from the house to the car... can't forget Scoop! Oh no, she had to go back and get him. And on and on. Every rushed morning moment was complicated by Scoop's needs and my confusion about how to respond to this whole scenario.

As we walked from the car to the school building, she asked me "Hey Mom, is Scoop with us?"

I tossed a look over my shoulder. "Uh, I don't know, sweets. Is he here? I can't see him..."

With her patented raised eyebrows, tilted head, and voice of pity towards my feeble mind, she said, "Well, of course you can't see him. He's my imaginary friend, you know?"

needs more cowbell

We found her harmonica today. She proceeded to compose and perform her own songs all afternoon.

I heard, "This one is called _____________" about 308 times. And the blank was filled with a number of titles including but not limited to:

• A Cute Girl with Cute Pants
• Rock and Roll YEAH
• I Like Lemurs and Ice Cream
• The Daddy's Gonna Like This Song
• No More Naps

At the conclusion of each song, she ran and slid on her knees in a very David Lee Roth way. We should fear her teen years.

miss manners

Caroline has taken to hosting "sleepovers" for her stuffed animals, toys, and dolls during naptime. And her sleepovers are pretty much like sleepovers you remember -- squealing, talking, playing. Anything but sleeping.

Today I tucked her in for her nap at 12:30. I was hearing some chatter and giggling from her room an hour and a half later. I went up to be mean old enforcer mom.

Mama: What is going on up here? Are you having another sleepover?

Caroline: No, [lightbulb moment] this is a guest party.

Mama: Oh, a "guest party" this time? Well you and all your "guests" have to go. to. sleep. right. now.

Caroline: That's not how we treat guests, Mama.

yeah, they might

Caroline [in bad British accent]: I will be Kippuh the dog today.

Mama: Well, we are about to go someplace, so I would prefer that you were Caroline.

C: So I can't be Kippuh?

M: I think it just would be better if you were yourself.

C: Yeah. Maybe I will be Kippuh some more when we get home.

M: That sounds like a good idea to me.

C: Yeah. I guess people would think I'm strange.