grab bag of weird

I am eavesdropping while she is in the bath with some toys -- the boobless Barbies, a pony or two, and some random other junk.

"So, that's your boyfriend? Wait, he's your brother too??"

"This is my unicorn. She's got special powers. She also has a very sharp horn, so don't cross her."

"I can't see. Well, I can't hear. Well, I can't talk. We're in serious trouble. We'd better get a ninja."

"Girls, girls, girls. We can play with our nail cuttings later."

an illusion i hold dear

I asked her to wash her face before school.

"Okay boss!" Then she giggled. "I like to call you boss, Mama. It's like pretending you're in charge."

to my teachers, with love

I always take dictated notes to put in cards from her to others. We were writing our Valentine's Day notes to her teachers, and this is what she said:

M_____,
I love you very much. I love hearts, too -- especially the floatish ones. But I love you a little bit more than hearts. [air kiss]
Love, Caroline

And to the assistant teacher, she wrote:

K______,
Well. I'm a great lover*. And I love you. It's true. I can't put my stuff together sometimes, and I love your help, too.
Love, Caroline

And yeah, for the first time in dictated note history, I edited.


[*she meant that totally literally and innocently. she loves to love.]

her ego will keep her warm

It's a Snow Day today. School is canceled. I shared the news with Caroline, and she immediately looked a little concerned.

"Wow. No school today? Arden is really going to miss me. But she'll be ok. She's strong."

accuracy check

Both Caroline and Sylvie have been sick with minor colds, and neither girl is her normal self. I picked up Caroline from school today, and she was in a mood about how I couldn't take her Valentine's Day project home since the glue was all wet. So she was cranking about that as I strapped her into her car seat, and Sylvie was wailing about something in her car seat, and I said, "Wow, I have two cranky grumps today. Lucky me."

Caroline stopped her complaining and said, "Well, actually, I am not grumpy. I am really whiny."

i've heard that one before

I walked down the stairs to where Caroline was playing, and she abruptly told me "I love you."

I raised an eyebrow and asked why she loved me.

"Look, I just love you. Trust my love."

escalation of needs

Elapsed time: 2 minutes, 27 seconds. I counted.

1. "Could you please bring me a banana, if you could be so kind?"

2. "I am really, really hungry."

3. "My stomach. It is rumbling. It is rumbling a lot. I have a rumble right now. Can you hear it?"

4. "I think I might be starving, Mom."

5. [lying flat across the table, groaning quietly.]

smelly air quotes

Bedtime stall action, take 412.

Caroline: [from the hall] Mama, can I talk to you?

Mama: Caroline, you need to be in bed. What's the problem?

Caroline: I think I really have a stomach ache. A bad one.

Mama: What makes you think you have a stomach ache?

Caroline: [very gravely] Well, it's what they call "gas."*


*with finger quotes

a 20% gratuity will be added to your check

I asked Caroline if she wanted half a sandwich, vegetable soup, and a banana for lunch.

"Sandwich. Soup. Banana." She paused to think. "Yes, that would be my order, dear."

trouble

I said, "Ok, so now you understand why that was a bad choice. Maybe you should say you are sorry."

She grimaced and put up her palms in a shrug.

"I'm waiting!" I told her.

She nodded and said, "Well, I'm willing to be sorry. So that's a start."