the dog whisperer

Caroline and I were outside, where I was brushing our incredible shedding basselope (he's really a basset hound/German shepherd/doberman mix, don't ask). He hates this process and ran away from me and hid in the corner of the yard. Since I'm still recovering from a c-section and can't exactly chase or wrestle a 50 pound walrus with 6" legs, Caroline decided she would do the dirty work for me.

I called to him several times. She got tired of waiting.

"I'm going to go have a little talk with him," she said sternly.

She marched over with her little fists tight and crouched next to him and was talking to him in low tones I could not hear. It looked very serious.

She stood up and pointed at me. He did not move.

She threw her hands in the air. "This dog must not understand me. Or maybe he's just impossible!"

passing the buck

The imaginary friend du jour was named Marina. As I was tied up with something, Caroline went into the bathroom and unrolled the remainder of a roll of toilet paper.

I gasped when I discovered the floor awash in Cottonelle. I stupidly asked, "Why did you do this?!"

She answered, "Well, Marina just kept saying 'More! More! More!'"

...

While she was doing the cleanup of the aforementioned sea of toilet paper, she stopped and looked up at me. "Mom, I'm really sorry about Marina. She's my friend, and I'm really sorry about the mess she made. She makes bad choices, huh?"

she gets it

Chuck and Caroline were walking to the playground. Chuck remembered that he needed to call his boss about something important and work-related, so he opened his cell phone and started dialing.

Caroline: Daddy, who are you calling?

Daddy: I have to talk to my boss about something.

Caroline: Oh, you are calling Mama?

self aware

Today at Target on a diaper run, Caroline sat in the cart and struck up a conversation with the family behind us in line.

Caroline: What's your name?

Girl, aged 10ish: Carly. What's your name?

C: Caroline. Do you like my flower shoes? [stuck feet out]

Mom of girl: Oh yes, very cute. How old are you Caroline?

C: I just turned 3. My birthday is in June.

Mom of girl: You talk very well for your age!

C: I get a lot of practice.

the young academic/car salesman

While fighting sleep during naptime, she was trying to negotiate her way out of having to lay down at all. Her dad was not budging, but eventually she said something that stumped him. He paused to think about how to respond, and she yelled out, "Come on Dad. I need answers!"

my sister, the pit bull

Caroline welcomed baby sister Sylvie on July 17th.

We, of course, were nervous about introducing a new character in the precocious toddler sitcom that is our life. Would Caroline be jealous? Would she be angry? Would she tell us off? Or pack all her belongings in a handkerchief on the end of a stick and go hobo?

We apparently worried for nothing.



She thinks Sylvie is the greatest thing since sliced bread... with crusts removed. She exclaims multiple times each day, "I just can't believe she's borned!"

She serenades her with 50s pop tunes during diaper changes. She holds her and kisses her and tells her how cute she is. She also explains to her that one day her feet will grow big too. Helpful stuff like that.

But the best was this morning when our pediatrician was on rounds and came to meet and check out the baby. After the doctor approached Sylvie and unwrapped her swaddle, there was a newborn cry, and Caroline charged at the bassinet waving her arms and said, "Wait a minute, Doctor. That's my baby!"

once more with feeling

I am a little sappy today since it's our last day with undivided attention for Miss Sassafrass.

I called her over and asked with a smile, "Can I have a hug from my girl?"

She giggled and scrunched up her shoulders and said, "Only if you cry first."

inner sanctum

This one comes courtesy of Marmy, her grandmother, who is visiting the next two weeks as we welcome baby sister.

Caroline and Marmy were hanging out in the guest room and playing with toys. Chuck and I were also upstairs -- he was wandering around the hall and I was sitting up in bed. Marmy got up and attempted to leave the guest room for a moment.

Caroline jumped to her feet and slammed the door shut. She warned in a very ominous voice, "No Marmy, you don't want to go out there. Outside of this room is only for the crazy people."

non sequitur no thank you

I heard her chanting this as she marched up the stairs behind Lucci, the cat:

"Lucci's privates don't stink at all! They don't smell like poop! They don't smell like pee! They are not stinky privates, no sirree!"

I started to ask how she knew that (or even why it was noteworthy), but I figured it was better that I didn't know.

i plead the fifth

Caroline was playing in her room alone when I heard a scream.

I rushed in and found her curled up in the corner of her bed, surrounded by all her stuffed animals and dolls. They were all arranged to be looking at her, and she rested the back of her hand on her forehead.

"What's wrong?"

"Mama," she sighed, "you gotta save me from these kids!"