awwww. wait a minute...

"Mom, I love you. I really mean it this time."

master of diversion

Cynthia the superhero ninja spy. That is what she's calling herself today. And her superhero ninja spy techniques are astounding!

She walked into the room carrying a bunch of stuff from an off-limits drawer. Keys to the buffet where booze is kept, our checkbook, non-washable markers. Serious stuff.

"What are you doing, Caroline?"

"You mean 'Cynthia the superhero ninja spy.'"

"Yeah. What are you doing?"

"Oh I just grabbed some things from a drawer and I wasn't sneaking or anything. It's not like I was sneaking them since I brought them into here. Where you are. I wasn't sneaking, actually. Hey. You have a boogie in your nose!"

And then she ran from the room with her forbidden loot.

job security

Chuck was saying goodnight to Caroline, who had already been tucked in.

He gave her a kiss and she shot him the finger pistol and said, "I think I'll keep ya, Dad."

fashion is not painless

Caroline walked in holding a pair of my heels. She asked if she could wear them to school today. I noted that it probably wasn't a good idea, since she couldn't skip, hop, or run in them.

She was not swayed. She gave me her patented stupid-mom face with earnestness while she nodded and said, "Actually, I think they're pretty practible."

moving tribute to raisins

She was eating her 14th handful of Trader Joe's Thompson Seedless Raisins, and I advised her that she was going to have some gastro-intestinal distress if she didn't ease up.

Raisins fell out of her mouth as she garbled, "Hey, a little extra poop is ok with me!"

lesson in gravity

After dinner, she was hanging upside down from the living room chairs and giggling away. She suddenly flipped off to the floor, stood up, gulped, and winced.

She brushed the hair from her forehead and said, "Phew. I had a little urpage that time."

i think i'll pass

"Mom, do you want to be Barbie? You know, the one with the boobs that I saw at that party?"

you may call her godzilla

Caroline has a pesky habit of getting into everything when she's feeling under the weather. We've all had a light cold this week, so the distracted-with-baby-sister mother and the cold-induced orneriness have combined in an unreal way.

I went into her room and saw the contents of her drawers lined up in rows on every surface. It was a disaster. I sighed.

"I was just counting things, Mom."

I said nothing and just shook my head.

"What? Is it destroyed, Mom?"

I nodded.

"Mom, did I destroy the world?"

reality bites

Today, Someone decided that naps were overrated. Someone also decided that listening to Mom was overrated. And Someone thought that sneaking out of one's room 5000 times is seriously underrated.

And so Someone is not going to the park today.

I explained this to her as matter-of-factly as possible.

Mama: No, you are not going to the park today because you made bad choices.

Caroline: Like getting out of bed?

M: Yes. And there are consequences to that. So no park.

C: What are consequences?

M: They are the things that happen after you make choices. If you make good choices, there are good consequences. If you make bad choices, there are bad consequences... like not going to the park when you don't take a nap and don't listen to your parents.

C: Man, that is a really bad deal.

rudeness to the max

I was attempting to help Caroline into her clothes, but she was attempting to ask me about a book that was on her shelf.

Caroline: Mama, what is that turt-

Mama: Caroline, focus on what we're doing here.

C: But Mama, I jus-

Mama: Let's get this finished and then I will help you.

C: [angrily] MAMA. You keep getting into my words!

Mama: You mean "You are interrupting me."

C: Yes. You're so totally right.