that's not short for anything

Caroline was sitting next to me on the couch, squeezing my unflexed calf muscle.

"Mom, your leg feels... squishy."

She continued to squeeze.

Then she turned to me and said very boldly, "Yep, you're one squishy mother!"

i need an "unsolved mysteries" style re-enactment, please

"Mama, I have something terrible to tell you. This sock I was using on my hand as a paw when I was pretending to be a kitten at the beach, it got all wet."

[picture a skeptical look from Mama as wet sock is flopped on the coffee table]

"It just... slippety slided all the way into the toilet, but it's not my fault because I didn't LET it slippety slide into the toilet water, it just... happened."

i don't think this is what they had in mind

Caroline's preschool is doing summer camp-like sessions with a different theme every two weeks. This session is called "Community Helpers," and it intends to expose them to a variety of jobs that benefit the community. At the end of the theme description, the director wrote, "Be prepared to hear lots of 'I want to be a ________ when I grow up!'"

She was not wrong. Caroline came home today after learning lots of details about fire trucks and firefighters and said, "I want to be a dalmatian dentist when I grow up!"

daddy snap

I told her I was selling my children and running away. She giggled and said, "No, you won't!"

"How much do you think I'd make from selling you?" I asked.

"One hundred dollars!"

like a def leppard song

When Caroline was 2, her teachers traced her hand onto a piece of paper, put a poem on it, laminated it, and put a magnet on the back. These are the precious things to schmaltzy parents. Tiny little construction paper hand magnets. I swoon at the mere thought of these things.

Big 4 year old Caroline found it on the wall and brought it to me and asked me to rip the magnet off the back.

Mama: Noooo! This is precious to me. You cannot take it apart.

Caroline: It's just a little hand.

Mama: Yes, but it's your hand and you made it with love, and it's so special to me!

Caroline: Love doesn't make things beautiful, Mom.

Mama: This is beautiful! It warms my heart just to see it.

And I took it away from her and clutched it melodramatically.

Caroline: I have to tell you, Mama. You'll be sorry. Love is cold.

record this call for training purposes

We recently had a chat about calling 911, and how it's to be used properly. So it was no surprise this afternoon when I heard "Mrs. Cat" (who was wearing sock paws on her hands and feet) on the pink plastic play phone line.

"Hello, Emergency Cat. This is Mrs. Cat. This is an emergency. My 5 year old kitten is captured by fire. You have to save her! It's so dangerous! Please hurry!"

Then she turned it up a few notches, grasping at her neck in terror and wailing, " You have to come and save her from being captured! She's going to get a RASH! SAVE HER! You have to save her!!!!! "

She then pulled the phone away from her ear and gave it a disgusted look before exclaiming to the emergency cat on the other end of the line, "YES, THIS IS REAL!"

reality sinks in

Caroline counted the cats, the dog, and the two of us. "Five! There are five of us in the family down here."

I mentioned that Daddy and Sylvie were sleeping upstairs.

"Ok, seven. Seven people in the family. Well some are creatures. But there are seven people and creatures in the family. That's a lot of people and creatures! TOO MANY!"

I asked what she thought we should do about that.

"I guess we'll have to... sell Daddy."

I asked what price she thought he would bring.

"Seven dollars." Then she kind of raised an eyebrow and made a slight grimace, " Wait, maybe six."

she's signed up for the soviet program

Caroline decided this morning that she was "Anna the Gymnasticker." She ran down the stairs in a very athletic ensemble and proceeded to demonstrate her many gymnasticking moves. There was The Twister, wherein she twisted while standing up; also a hit was The Table Walk, which involved walking on the table; and so on. After Fast Gymnastics (running), she climbed on the coffee table and did some Side Tables and some Side Twisters. You can see how predictable this became.

Suddenly she stood very tall with her arms straight up. "And this is The Stand Up Falconer."

feeling patriotic

Last week, Caroline had her 4 year Well Child visit at the pediatrician. She was measured (43" and 40lbs, for my own records), poked (3 shots and an iron check, for her own ire), and tested. Among the tests was the old "stand at the end of the hall with a spoon over one eye" vision test. I guess they assume that younger kids don't know letters reliably, so they had her do the shape chart, like so:



She was delighted with the "what's this?" game as the super chipper nurse pointed out each shape. Her answers were as follows:




....

We had a joint birthday party with family in Indiana this weekend, since Caroline's birthday was last month and baby sister Sylvie's birthday is later this month. Caroline selected the theme for her cake, and it was done to her preference.



Behold the United States of American Pink Poodle birthday cake. Her only criticism was that she would have liked three pink poodles instead of just one. Caroline also selected Sylvie's cake theme, which was United States of American Hello Kitty with a Ball of Yarn cake.

Our founding fathers would be so proud.

mad goose skillz

I slammed on the brakes for a few geese waddling across the road. I honked the horn a handful of times to warn other drivers of their presence and to hurry the geese to get to the other side. A few minutes later, Caroline asked, "Hey, why did you do that with the geese, Mama?"

I told her that I didn't want to hurt them, so I stopped to let them cross safely; and that I honked the horn so they would move faster and be safer.

She had awe in her voice. "Wow. Who knew you were a goose expert."