I was howling in pain from a charley horse and grabbing at my foot and leg... while trying to keep it on the down low so Miss Child did not think I was dying. She would be very sad if the supplier of her snacks keeled over, you see.
Caroline: Mama! Mama! What's going on?
Mama: [grimacing] I have a leg cramp, honey. I'm ok, it just looks scary.
C: You have a CRAP in your leg?
M: No, honey [ow ow ow ow ow flex ow]... it's a craMp.
C: It's in your foot?
M: It's not really a thing in my foot... it's [ow ow ow] just the muscle.
C: [flexes] Like these pythons?
M: Yes, like your pythons. We have pythons all over our body, remember the muscles are under our skin?
C: We have FACE PYTHONS?
M: [still howling and rocking] Yes, there are muscles even in our faces.
C: I don't want a crap in my face!
M: It's not a cramp in your face. When the cramp is in your foot, it is called a charley horse.
C: There's a horse in your foot?! That's amazin'!
M: [still suffering] No. It's just a cramp. I'm ok though.
C: Sometimes I have gas beans in my stomach...
C: Yeah, when it hurts.
M: Do you mean pains?
C: Yeah pains, that's right. But at least it's not horses and craps.